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Just For Kids > Information
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Helping Kids deal with being adopted
What is more poignant than when your child comes home in tears and relates the following?
Remember when you dropped me off at school this morning? Well, Jimmy saw me getting out of the car and he ran ahead of me to our friends. I heard him say, "Did you see Mark’s mother? She sure doesn’t look like Mark. Is that because he’s adopted?" So everybody was looking at me; I was mad at Jimmy for doing that. I just went over to the fence and waited for the bell to ring. Then nobody came to sit by me at lunch either. Now I have no friends.
No parent wants to see their child in tears, hurt by a peer’s remark. Yet these experiences seem to be part of the scrapes and bruises of every child’s growing up. Being adopted presents just another arena where peers’ comments can strike right to the heart. This article will focus on how parents can prepare their child to meet the challenges of being adopted.
The foundation for this work begins with an open emotional climate at home, where talk about adoption is encouraged, initiated and integrated into everyday conversations. (See Mary Watkins & Susan Fisher’s book, Talking with Young Children About Adoption.) A child’s first step to dealing with the questions peers raise is being able to talk with family members about their own questions.
How do you comfort and help a child like Mark deal with the fact of his adoption? First, an acknowledgement of his feelings of anger, embarrassment, confusion or fears of rejection might help Mark open up more about his experiences as an adopted child. Obviously, peers’ questions have a powerful effect. The kind of emotion Mark experiences might depend on who is asking. A teacher’s question might be experienced very differently than a peer’s question. It might also depend on what they want to know or how Mark feels about himself on any particular day. Understanding the emotion and meaning behind your child’s tears will facilitate a response that more accurately fits your child’s needs in the moment. Offering support and understanding goes a long way in soothing a child’s hurt.
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